Thursday, March 29, 2012

Young girl don't cry

I think I'm officially an insomniac. Like seriously punya this time. I didn't sleep for 4 days straight! When I said that didn't sleep, I mean betul-betul tak tido. Not even a nap! Oh and the thing that people said if you didn't sleep for 3 days you akan nampak hantu, well that's a FREAKING LIE! I don't see no ghost! or maybe not yet la kot. hehe

So I've been thinking a lot lately, ofcoz I have to think alot la kan since it's final exam week. Imagine, exam week + readings + no sleep at all can do to your brain. Gila lah! so yeah, back to the part that I was thinking tu, I just learned that I have some emotional issue.

I know it's kinda weird for me to put this in public reading material but somehow I wanted to.

You know some people just can't stand other people being happy? you would go all crazy jealous and stuff? yeah that's me.

I have this orange book where I always write all my missions and stuff that I need to accomplish at some moments in my life. I wrote this and that hoping that one day that all these stuff will come true. Mostly about doing crazy adventurous stuff during uni life an all. I'm big on creating moments. I love spontaneous things, an adrenaline junkie and exploring is my thing. Yeah, that is me.

But then when reality strikes, I just can't do all that when I'm here in Arau. I just can't. I don't have any transport to travel around, I don't have the right people to understand my jokes, I don't have anyone to be there when I wanna do something crazy. I feel like I don't have anything. I feel so.. pathetic and kinda lost at the same time. It's almost 2 years I'm here in Arau but still.. I can't face the fact that I'm sooo tercampak jauh dari semua benda. Can't accept that I can't accomplish my mission, pergi concert, jalan-jalan teroka sana-sini. I'm missing out on everything that I wanna do so bad every. single. time!

So, when I heard that other people do this and that, I feel like I don't achieve anything in my life, I have no exciting things to tell. Just boring mimi, that's what I always thought of myself. And I feel bad for Haziq, yeah him especially coz whenever he's trying to tell me about all the exciting things, I started to feel jealous, angry and down about myself. That's so not right! I'm supposed to be happy not crazy psychotic angry. Sigh

I dunno what to do to make me feel like home here. Coz I really wanna feel like the old me again, you know the gelak kuat-kuat bimbo gila mimi? yes,I need her back. Kinda losing that girl everytime I'm here.

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